I Wish I Knew Why

Poetry, Romance  ||   November 5, 2014   ||   0 comments
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Take your hands and wrapped them around my heart,
Clench so tight till the tears roll down my cheeks,
That’s what you did to me.
When I begged you to stop,
You squeezed only harder.
How did it turn out like this?

I gave you my heart and I don’t even remember it.
I thought I had protected myself.
You managed to break down every barrier I created.
Somehow able to tear me down and rip me apart.
You opened every wound you could find.
All I want to know is why?

I knew all along just who you were,
I saw the devil in those eyes of your’s.
So when did I begin to trust?
I didn’t believe a word you said,
But still I put my hopes in you.
I contradict myself in every way,
As long as it comes to you.

You’re the monster that I tried to hide.
You’re everything I thought you were,
But there is so much more.
The monster inside that I tried to justify,
That monster never hides,
But what I see is much more then that.
I see the romantic, the sweetest one to come to me.
You’re the picture of perfection,
Yet the darkest seed of pain, I’ve ever had.

Where did this all go?
When did it turn out like this?
Who did I put my hope in?
Why did I fall in love for someone in this mess?

So many questions,
They’re swimming through my head.
It’s endless and constantly over flowing.
I’ve never cried so much for a love in my life.
I’ve never felt such hopelessness like this before.
You tortured me in a way I can’t describe.
What you did was terrible,
But I’d still take you back just over and over.

It’s stupid I know.
No one has to tell me this.
They tell me to leave you,
To walk away from you.
Over and over I’m told how you’re not worth it.
I know all this,
But I justify all this too many times.
Again and again, I justify you,
I constantly defend you.
I don’t know why I do it.
I can’t even begin to explain it.

As long as it’s you, I’d allow anything,
Just stay by my side and I’ll allow it all.
Your abuse and cruelty.
For you I’d never step back.
I’d still be with you if you would let me.
But finally you walked away,
You left me behind.
I don’t get why.

You make me fall so deeply in love,
You had me in the palm of your hands,
Then you just let me go.
I don’t get why or how.
I’m not even sure when.

You make me feel so terrible inside.
You made me lose sight of who I was.
I can’t even figure out how to go back anymore.
I want to fix this big old mess,
The one you left me with.

I’m not sure how to go about now.
It’s so different then before.
I’m different then before.
I can’t find the words to describe,
You took everything I had.
You left me with nothing,
But the harsh memories.
Those memories that I love and cling to so desperately.
They’re what keep me holding on.
Those memories are the only thing I don’t regret.

All I can do is get back up,
I can just try again,
To fix all the things that ended up broken.
That’s all I can do.
I’ll just pick up the pieces,
And continue this walking.
It’ll be dark, but you created a light.
That light lives on in me,
I’ll try forever to keep it alive.