Who I Was

Poetry, Romance  ||   November 5, 2014   ||   0 comments
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Banner by abhorsen. @ TDA
Banner by abhorsen. @ TDA

You turn me into such a fool.
Since when did I become like this?
They say loves makes you do crazy things,
Well I do some really stupid stuff when it comes to you.
You call and I rush over.
Since when did I run over whenever someone called?
When did I start changing my plans for anyone but me?
I only do this when it comes to you.

I look around at all the things that have happened.
I made such a dumb mistake.
I should have known better,
But when it comes to you, all judgement is clouded.
You’re the only thing I can think about.
I reason everything out.
I justify all my actions just to fit you in.

When it comes to you, I can make one and one equal anything but two.
You’re a mathematical equation that I just can’t figure out.
I work it out a million different ways,
It always comes back to you.
I’m just a fool in love,
In love with you.

What I do it doesn’t make sense,
But when I do it, I don’t really care.
It’s all about you and that’s all I see.
I don’t think of the consequences, but I sure do regret them later.
I do so many stupid things for you.
You don’t even see the lengths I’m willing to go for you.
I’d do anything for you.

When did it become like this?
Since when did I turn out like this?
My life has always been just for me.
I’ve always worked things out just for me.
When did you become so important to me?
I can’t explain it, I can’t justify it.
I try and I try but it just doesn’t work out.
You’re not worth what I’m putting myself through.

I see all this and still I can’t.
I don’t know how to walk away.
I don’t think I could ever return to the life I previously had.
My life was so dull before you.
You came into my life and woke me up from a dream I didn’t know I was dreaming.
You gave me life and filled my grey world with vibrant colours.
I can’t even begin to explain the change you lit up in me.
You turned my entire world around.

Now I’m lost without you,
I can’t figure out how to go back to how things used to be.
In a way, I don’t want to ever go back.
I want to keep moving forward.
I love the path you’ve brought me on.
But I can’t continue on it without you.

All that said, I have to make a change.
I can’t continue to rely on you to keep this change.
If I keep going like this, it’ll be my own demise.
All I can do is turn around and choose a path.
I can continue down this path you’ve opened up for me,
But I have to find a way to make it on my own.
I just don’t know if I can.

You opened up a side of me that I adore.
I just hope that I can keep down the path you’ve lit up for me.
I try to hold on but I’m not sure how.
This path seems to have gotten so dark without you by my side.
When you’re not holding my hand, I feel so lost.
Since when did I become like this?
When did I start relying on you so much?

I’ve always been on my own.
Always done things my own way.
I’ve never relied on anyone else.
I just didn’t know how.
Then you came along and everything changed.
You changed me and everything I am.
All the stuff I used to do, I don’t do now.
All the inspiration that I had lacked, you brought back.
You lit me up from the inside out.
You brought me back to life.
I don’t want to lose what you’ve given me,
But I don’t know how to keep it alive without you here.

It’s hard, I gotta say.
I never dreamed it would turn out like this.
I knew we could never work out.
I just never knew that you would change me so much.
I couldn’t have dreamed of what you would put me through.
How did it go so wrong but turn out so right?
It’s so confusing to me.
I can hardly believe.
What would I have said to me?
If I knew how much I’d change by being with you…
What would I have said?
I don’t think I would have believed it.
I still don’t really.

I see who I am now and who I used to be.
I just can’t believe it.
Maybe you really were worth it.
I’m happy with me now.
As long as I can find a way to continue on,
This path you opened I have to find.
It’s dark I’ll create the light.
In the same way you started this path,
I’ll find a way to continue it.

I may make some mistakes,
There may be things that I’ll regret,
But I’ll forever continue on.
I can’t turn back now.
I could never turn back around.

Who I was and who I am now,
It’s all because of you.
Now it’s got to be because of me.
Only I can keep going or turn around.
No one said it would be easy,
But this is the choice I’m making.
I don’t wanna go back to who I was.
I never knew how dull life was for me,
Until you showed me the excitement I could have.

You created the light,
You lit me up in all the darkness.
You showed me the world I didn’t know could exist for me.
But here it is in front of me.
I just have to walk out into it.
This time, I have to do all that without you.
I’m on my own this time around.
I have to create my own light.