When It’s Half Past Five

One-Shot, Original Fiction, Tragedy  ||   November 14, 2016   ||   0 comments
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She looked to him with the saddest eyes and while she wanted nothing more to just walk away, she simply wouldn’t bring herself to do it. Instead, she asked, “Why can’t you just understand how much I love you?” Tears streamed down her face and she finally looked away unable to look at him any longer.

“I do,” was his thoughtless remark. He didn’t need to think about it. He cared about her, there was no doubt. Maybe he even loved her but that just simply wasn’t enough. She sought something more. She sought for something real. She sought the truth behind his words.

“No. You don’t.” she said sadly, her voice carrying such heartbreak. She had completely given up on his ever understanding just how she felt. “I hate you… I love you…” her voice broke, tears rolling steadily down her face. “I hate that I want you… while you want her.” the words came out so bitterly. She was envious and she knew it. She wanted his love for herself because after all, she loved him. He loved her, but he was in love with another and that woman did not love him. She just couldn’t wrap her mind around it. How could he want to be with someone who treated him so badly when someone who loved him so much stood right before him.

It was only at this point that he didn’t have an answer. It was the first time she could remember ever leaving him with nothing to say. He usually always had a response, some sort of comment or remark or answer. She wanted him to argue with her. She wanted him to tell her that he loved her. Her heart begged for him to tell her that she was wrong. She wanted him to tell her how he didn’t love that woman. Such dreams and wishes weren’t meant to come true though and she knew that. Wish all her heart and mind, through all the pleading and hoping, in the depths of her heart, she already knew the truth. She knew the truth all too well and it hurt like hell.

“You want her. You need her… But I’ll never be her.” she whispered sadly. She felt so lost and alone. There was no feeling that could ever compare to this sorrow. She wished that it would all just go away. She wanted to just go numb and feel nothing at all. To not know if she were dead or alive because all feelings and thoughts had gone away, that’s what she wanted. More then anything in the world, that’s what she begged god for in this moment.

“All alone I’ve watch you watch her, like she’s the only girl you’ve ever seen. You don’t care. You never did. You don’t give a damn about me. How is it you’ve never noticed that you are slowly killing me?” she asked but she didn’t expect any answer. She wanted an answer yes, but expected no such thing. She knew better then to expect anything from him now.

“I miss you when I can’t sleep. I think about you when I’m out in the dirt with the truck. I know that you love me. I miss you when you’re not in my arms. I think about you when you’re not around.” he tried desperately to explain himself to justify his love was real and she knew it was true. She knew his words were real, but only partially.

“You miss me in the middle of the night, at 2am when everyone else is asleep. When she won’t answer her phone, you miss me. Out in your truck is where we used to go mudding. It may vaguely remind you of me, but never do you come to get me before you go there. You miss me when I’m not in your arms because you’re lonely and I make that go away. You miss me when I’m not around but only if no one else is around either.” she argued. She knew the truth. She’d long accepted the truth. Long ago she had accepted a truth that she wish weren’t true. She was his five o’clock somewhere. That’s all she was to him. He may love her, somewhere in his heart, but he wasn’t in love with her and she believed with everything she was and had that he never would.

“I’m gonna go.” she whispered just loud enough for him to hear and she walked off. He didn’t stop her. He didn’t go after her. After all, why would he? She wasn’t who he really wanted. She wanted who he ultimately loved. It didn’t matter how well she treated him or what she did for him. It didn’t matter how much she loved him. He didn’t love her in the same sense. She couldn’t be someone else. She couldn’t be the woman he loved, even if she so badly wished to be.


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