Impending Disaster

Poetry, Romance  ||   October 29, 2014   ||   0 comments
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My mind is filled with thoughts of you.
Ever so crystal clear.
I hear you voice, I see your smile, your scent is all around.
I can still feel your embrace.
The warmth of your touch.
It’s something I love so much.

But who I seek and who I need,
Are two very different things for me.
I love you no matter what.
But logic tells me otherwise.
You don’t treat me right, this I know.
You make me feel so very alone.
Such a hopelessness you leave me with.
It’s just so sickening you see.

Without you I can’t sleep.
Without you I can’t eat.
Since when did I become like this?
So filled with thoughts of you.
So crazy in love,
It’s foolish really.
This I know is true.

I look in the mirror and all I can see
Is the emptiness you make me feel.
I love you so much
Why don’t you love me too?
You whisper sweet words and promises.
I wish that they were true.
I wish that they were true like the promises I’ve made to you.

The words you say don’t mean a thing.
They’re all so empty for you.
They’re meaningless with no regard to what you put me through.
Your delicious little stories,
Sweet words of everlasting love,
They’re like a game to you.

I know all this and yet I can’t let go.
I don’t want to be without you.
I keep hoping you’ll change,
But I know you won’t.
You just don’t get it, do you?
What you do to me?
What I feel for you?
It’s such a torture you put me through.
It’s endless and tiring,
I wish I could just give in.

I wish I were ignorant to the facts I see.
I wish I didn’t know.
To just pretend that this is right,
To feel such happiness.
Ignorance in bliss, this I know,
Too bad I can’t feel it.
I know the truth, it’s clear as day,
We don’t belong together.
What we want is different.
This can’t end happily.

If I were ignorant, I wouldn’t see that.
All I’d see was you.
I’d justify your every action,
Come up with every excuse,
But I just can’t play along with all your fantasies.
I can’t pretend I didn’t see,
All those lies you said to me.
I can’t go about,
Like nothing’s wrong,
This love will be the end of me.

You tear apart my wounded heart,
And toss it away so effortlessly.
I hate the way you treat me,
But I love how you make me feel.
When we’re together it’s like a high,
A drug so amazing you see.
You hold me in your arms and we can watch the moon rise,
And everything is just fine.
Only in the back of my mind,
Is the drugs effects starting to decline.

All the time we spend together,
How soon I will regret.
The moment we’re apart,
It’ll all set in,
The pain of the reality.
The reality that I don’t want to see.
I love you so,
Why don’t you know?
Even though I’ve told you so.

This meaningless feeling.
This stupid love.
To throw it all away,
To heal this hurt you forced on me,
To just walk away so carelessly.
I’d do that if I could.
I have so many times before.

Never before have I cared so much.
But you’re just so perfect to me.
In my eyes I smile for you.
I feel the feelings that I don’t want too.
I live inside this painful lie,
The one we both created.

You made me fall so hard in love.
Then left me there to fall.
You wouldn’t catch this stupid girl,
Personally, I don’t blame you.
I knew all along just who you were.
I knew of all the lies you told.
I saw right away when you came to me,
This ending wasn’t worth it.
I knew all this and still I let lift,
My heart into your arms.

I gave you my heart
Which you didn’t deserve,
But I knew that from the start.
I should’ve known better.
In fact, i did,
But I made the choice anyway.

I went ahead and played pretend,
Hoping this would work.
I wished that you would care.
I hoped that you would see.
If only you could understand,
Exactly what you do to me.

Break me apart,
A torturous death.
I just wish that it would end.
It won’t, I know,
Not till I walk away.
Right now I can’t.
I don’t know how.
I’m addicted to this drug.

The drug of you has become like a glue,
With a hold I can’t escape from.
I’m bound so tightly,
My heart is aches.
I’m crying out but for whose sake?
I want this drug too.
It holds me close and I hold on too,
Regardless of the tears trying to break through.

I wish that you would tell me so,
Just one last single truth.
Tell me that you don’t love me,
That we can only disagree.
We’ll never wish for the same things,
Why can’t you tell me this?
If I had closure how easy this would be.
A heartache I’d deal with and soon walk away,
I’d leave behind our yesterday.

So please just tell me this one truth,
Just tell me you don’t love me.
Say it once that’s all I need,
For you to so easily crush me.
I’ll break apart,
I’m sure of this,
But I can always get back up.

Leave the pieces of my heart,
I’ll repair them in the get go.
I’ll walk away alone and afraid,
But I’ll make it on my own.
If only you said one truthful thing,
Then we could end this like so.
We can stop a train wreck on course,
Stop before disaster.

Just a few little words,
That’s all it takes,
And that will be the master.
We can end this likely disaster.