The Struggles of Writing

NaNoWriMo, News & Information  ||   November 14, 2016   ||   0 comments
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So, I’m working on NaNoWriMo, or at least I’m trying to. To say the least however, I’m not having very much luck. The must that I’ve been able topush out if freaking poetry, which is NOT what I feel like writing! I really wanna work on a novel, short story, one shot, or something!! Poetry just isn’t cutting it. So far though, I’ve written almost 8k words of it though and I guess that’s a plus. Still, it’s not what I want. Not to mention that I am seriously behind in NaNoWriMo. I’ve come to accept that I do absolutely no writing at all on the weekends which really pushes me back considering I’ve already fallen seriously behind. :/

Like seriously, it’s day 14 and I’m only at 7801 out of at least 23,333. So I’m 15,532 words behind. It’s so hard to catch up! Worst part is that when I see that number, I feel like just giving up. I just question like how am I ever going to catch up? I mean, I have to say that considering how few days I’ve actually sat down to write, I’ve actually gotten quite a bit of writing done. I’m super happy about that, no doubt. :) I just wish that I wasn’t so far behind is all. I just really wanna catch up and actually win this year. Winning just feels so out of reach though when I see how far behind I am. :(

According to NaNoWriMo though, if I write at least 2500 words a day, I can still finish in time. I’m not sure how I’ll be able to do that though because I’ve struggled just to write 1500 words a day. :( So I dunno how I’m going to be able to write twice that amount every day no less! x.x I’m just not good at this, I guess.

In all honesty, I hate writing. I know, crazy considering I’m participating in NaNoWriMo and want to be a published author, right? lol I know. See, I hate writing, no doubt. I hate sitting here typing away and struggling to get my thoughts and ideas on paper. That said though, I love seeing what I’ve written. I love the finished product. I feel so proud and happy and I just feel so relieved! Having it all written down is the best feeling in the world for me. It’s just getting there that I hate, I guess. I wish that there was some sort of device that we could hook up to our heads and just think about what we want on paper and it would appear there. All the words would write themselves exactly how we see and think about them in our minds. Hell, I’d have a novel a year at that rate! Lol

There’s just so much that I want to write and so many ideas swimming around inside my mind. I struggle to keep track of them all honestly. Like I’m working on updating my dream journal. It also works as a novel and story idea journal, but regardless. lol Anyway, I’m working to put all of my story ideas and dreams in there so that I can better keep track of them all. That way, when I go to work on a novel, I’ll find all of the information right there for me. I won’t ever have to worry about forgetting something or an idea or anything. It’s definitely made a huge difference for me, no doubt. Dreams and ideas that I had long forgotten about were in my old notebook. It was awesome to remember them again! :) But yeah, it all makes a huge difference and it does help.

Just right now I’m struggling so much. I remember when I was younger, writing used to come so easy to me. I could do it constantly. It’s all I wanted to do. God, I was awful, no doubt! Lol I mean, the ideas were great, but the writing itself was shit. Still, I was able to do it! I could write for hours, days on end even! Now it’s a miracle if I can even write anything at all. Some people call it writers black but it just doesn’t feel like that. I know what I want to write. I have a shit ton of ideas! It’s just actually sitting down and writing them that I just freeze on. It feels like it’s downright impossible to do. I dunno whats wrong with me but it’s not writers block, I can tell you that right now.

I guess it could be a lack of inspiration or motivation maybe? That’s probably the closest explanation that I can come up with and even that doesn’t totally feel right. Cause if that were the case, wouldn’t I be able to write right now? I feel like writing. I want to write, but I’m just struggling so much just to get anything down on paper. Like how much sense does that even make? I know exactly what I want to write. I’ve got a ton of ideas. I just can’t write. It doesn’t make any sense to me and it’s frustrating the hell outta me. I don’t know how to fix it and I swear it feels like with every day that goes by, it just gets worse and worse and worse. I don’t know what to do or how to fix it. :( I wish I did.

The most I feel like I can do at the moment is just to keep trying. I don’t wanna give up. I really wanna win this year. More then anything. That’s what I want to do. So I guess I’m gonna go back to writing. I don’t care what it is. As long as I’m writing something.