Wake Up, Missus, Please

Dark, Poetry  ||   January 26, 2017   ||   0 comments
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Wake up, missus, please.

All the pain I’ve carried,
You never realized it was so heavy.
All that I was dealing with,
No one saw how hard it was becoming.
I cried out for help,
But no one seemed to hear me.
People got tired of listening to me,
Talk about the same shit over and over again.
The same drama,
Day after day,
As if on a repeat selection.
I couldn’t put a stop to it.
I felt like I annoyed people,
When I tried to talk about it.
So finally I just stopped.

Wake up, missus, please.

People tried to talk a bit, I guess,
But I just didn’t want the lectures anymore.
Everyone wanted to give their opinion.
Everyone wanted to judge.
Everyone wanted me to go at their pace and do what they wanted,
But I just couldn’t.
I couldn’t do what they desired.
So I grew tired of what they had to say,
And slowly I began to keep more and more inside myself.
I buried those feelings up inside with a lock and chain.
I would let out small cries for help but no one could hear.
It felt like no one really cared.

Wake up, missus, please.

When I tried to talk,
I felt dismissed.
Those I tried to talk to,
It felt like they didn’t care.
I felt like I was at war with all those around me,
And I was losing.
It was so painful and the wounds were bleeding out.
The buried lines of wanting to live or die began to blur.
The desire to live began to fade.
With each day it faded more and more till it just no longer existed.
Even in the best of time,
When people gave me the most encouragement and support,
I felt so empty inside.
Their words just weren’t reaching me anymore.
I could smile and laugh,
But on the inside I felt as if I had already died.
I’d already given up and lost all hope.

Wake up, missus, please.

I took the chance when he left the room.
Even with all the people I was talking to,
It wasn’t enough.
It was too late to find hope.
It was too late for anything at all,
For I was already long gone.
The pills I took quickly overcame me.
The darkness took over.
One after another,
I popped the pills,
Like candy,
I took one after another,
Unable to get enough.
I just wanted it to end.
The darkness was relieving.

Wake up, missus, please.

The darkness I was engrossed in was so peaceful.
It wasn’t scary or dark or evil.
It wasn’t like heaven or hell.
There was no light at the end of the tunnel.
It was simply like a dream.
A wondrously simple and peaceful dream.
There was no stress.
There was no worry.
There was no pain.
There was no fear.
There was nothing but a soothing peacefulness that had washed over me.
I didn’t want to wake up.
I wanted to sleep in that state forever.
It was wonderful.
There was no god or devil,
No judgement,
No fear of waking up,
No tossing and turning,
Nothing.
Just peace.
Just a soothing calm that washed over me,
Surrounding me and taking over every part of me.
I embraced it,
Adored it,
Loved it,
Craved it even.

Wake up, missus, please.

The light came though as I opened my eyes.
The white walls,
The dim lights,
It all washed over me.
I was coming to.
I closed my eyes.
I didn’t want to.
I didn’t want to awaken.
I wanted to return to the peaceful darkness that I had come to love and enjoy.
Such a thing was not to be though.
It wouldn’t last.
I awoke in the hospital.
I had been saved.
I had been pulled back from the world I wished to stay in.
I had been pulled back to the cruel and harsh reality I had no desire to deal with.

Wake up, missus, please.

The nurses spoke to me.
The doctor spoke to me.
My mother spoke to me.
My fiance spoke to me.
They had all been worried about me,
But all I wanted was to return to where I had been.

Wake up, missus, please.

Even weeks and months can pass and still I wish to return.
Depression isn’t all it is.
Lack of hope and faith.
To have already died on the inside is such a heavy burden to bare.
To have friends who just want you to live,
When all you wish to do is die.
There’s no one to turn to,
No one to talk to,
For everyone’s words will be the same,
Don’t go.
Don’t talk like that.
I’m here for you.
Come talk to me.
You’re not alone.
But none of that matters to me in the end.
Only the darkness and that freedom I felt there,
That’s all that matters to me in the end.

Wake up, missus, please.

I wish I could make these feelings go away.
I wish deep inside,
That I had never awoken.
I wish that I had remained in that darkness.

Wake up, missus, please.

Selfishly I feel this way,
Oh for that I know so well.
For all those who hear this,
Please forgive me.
For all those who one day feel this way,
Please forgive me.
I’m trying to find the words to express such a harsh reality,
Something I’m sure I’m not the only one to feel,
But probably one of very few brave enough to talk about.
Don’t bury your feelings.
Crushing them and hiding them like they don’t exist.
Even if there’s no one around to listen or talk to,
Write it,
Sing it,
Paint it,
Express it,
Don’t be ashamed of it.

Wake up, missus, please.

What I feel is no illusion.
What I feel is no lie.
What I feel is not something just existing in my head.
It’s a harsh reality of the truth,
A truth that no one around me wants to hear.
A truth no one in the world wants to read.
But I will not sit by quietly.
I will not hide away.
I am here still.
Against my will,
I am here still.

Wake up, missus, please.


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